Thursday, August 5, 2010
Sethtastico Hubbard Free Agency Drama Finally Ends
In an hour-long, televised press conference Sethtastico "Hubba Hubba" Hubbard ended the suspense and signed with Los Strawberitos. For months, the world's most famous basketball player kept sports fans on tenterhooks as he delayed deciding which team he would join.
Los Strawberitos faced fierce competition for Hubbard. The Broken Shovels had by far the most salary-cap room of any team. Their offer was reportedly the most lucrative, and included a 40% ownership stake in Digg.com. Someone close to the negotiations also said the Shovels offered to establish an official team rule that would have made Hubbard the only team member to be allowed to shoot or dribble. It was not enough to lure Sethtastico.
Hubbard may have been tempted by the Ninja Happymeals, and a chance to play with guard Scrawny van Scoresalot. Reportedly, when Sethtastico expressed reservations about playing with Scrawny's troubled and troublesome teammate Dhooshi bin Lhezi Rhunshismouth, the Ninja Happymeals front office offered to cut Rhunshismouth and have him shot in a local park.
In the end though, it was Los Strawberitos with their generous beer and taco bonus package, storied history, seven season winning streak, and sartorial excellence that won Hubbard over. He concluded the prime-time press conference saying, "I've been dreaming of wearing that pink for a long, long time."
Hubbard was not the only player Los Itos considered signing. General Manager Juanito Riccojuanazo told our reporters, "We were considering signing God. His ability to cover opponents in boils is unrivaled in the league, but in the end he just doesn't have Hubbard's combination of strength and skill. Also there were questions about his health, including one unconfirmed report that he was dead."