Thursday, May 13, 2010
Los Strawberitos completed their undefeated season last night when the Ringworm Brothers, who were to have been the Itos last regular-season opponents, forfeited the game and fled the state.
The Ringworm captain, Galumphy van Cromagnon, left this message for Comish Dennis Huang: "We regret to inform the league that we will forfeit tonights game. It turns out we just love being alive, with all internal organs in place."
No member of the Ringworm Brothers could be reached for comment and all appear to have left the state and gone into hiding. It appears that each player fled to a different location in hopes of not being traced. A close friend of one Ringworm, who declined to give his name, said, "Alls I can tell you is they're far away from those monsters in pink."
Strawberitos coach, Sideline Bill, had this to say: "It would have been nice to rip their livers out. Crush their hopes and dreams like puffy popcorn in a powerful paper press. Maybe eat their children. But we'll take the win. We're looking ahead to the playoffs." Los Itos play Halfwit Hennessy next Wednesday for a spot in the world championship game.
In late breaking news, it appears that one Ringworm Brother made the unfortunate choice of fleeing to Wayne New Jersey. he was spotted sprinting across a strip-mall parking lot, pursued by a man wearing only a John Starks jersey.