Saturday, January 31, 2009
Trouble in Strawberito locker room?
Early reports following Thursday night’s nail biting 45 point victory indicated a potential division between players in the Strawberito locker room. It is said that some are starting to question Jonathan Curley’s dedication to the franchise. Unnamed players are pointing to Curley’s devotion to his music as a distraction to the season.
“It’s just a matter of focus,” one player said. “You see him out there going through the motions. It’s like when he’s shooting foul shots, his mind is wrapped around potential lyrics to a new hit pop tune, and nowhere near where it should be which is to make that foul shot!”
Sources confirmed earlier this week that Jonathan Curley did play a show at the famed “Stork Club” of Oakland. Those who were there did indicate that Curley “brought the house down” with his infusion of experimental post modern electro hip hop and folky acoustic sing-alongs. “There’s just nobody out there that can touch him,” a fan said. “When he gets up there and hits play on his computer--that music kicks in and just takes you over. You have no choice but to shake your pants.”
While Curley’s music may equate to a religious experience to some, others are singing a different tune. It is believed that at least 3 members of the Strawberitos are frustrated with Curley’s off the court antics, whereas the other remaining players seem to have been seduced by Curley’s musical vision. An internet rumor indicated that at least one Strawberito member was actually seen wearing a “Team Nisto” fan shirt—Team Nisto, of course, Curley’s musical alter ego.
In other news, Drew “Kool-Aid” Halfmann was curiously absent from Thursday night’s game. Halfmann has a history of unexplained absences during his career. Could this add to the growing rift in the Strawberito locker room? Probably not.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Rumors were swirling early Wednesday afternoon after an insider leaked confidential information from within the Strawberito organization. At this point, nothing is confirmed and no one has been identified, although many sources point to current Strawberito guard, Ben Sanoff, as the potential leak due to his close ties with the Oakland Tribune and the San Francisco Chronicle.
The intergoogle message boards were electrified by rumors of a new potential free agent signing for the up and coming Strawberito season 3. Again, nothing is confirmed, but many believe the club has been in negotiations with long time
Smith denied comment to reporters as he was seen exiting an
Stay tuned for more late breaking information as this story develops.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Saturday, January 24, 2009
The elder statesmen of the Strawberito Board held a press conference earlier today to announce the induction of the Official Beverage of the Los Strawberitos franchise. The apropriately named, Strawberito, was announced after much deliberation. Many were shocked and appalled when the announcement was made as many believed Pabst Blue Ribbon to be the favorite. The Strawberito is born whence vodka, strawberry liquere, lime, mint, sugar, and soda are combined in a frost mug, topped off by a pink umbrella.
The Strawberito is the national drink of the Czech Republic where millions have toasted the Strawberitos with "Long's drinks" at Café Egerländer at Prague's Hotel Monty for a mere 125 koruna.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Rule 4, Section 48.
Art. 1. A pivot takes place when a player who is holding the ball steps once
or more than once in any direction with the same foot, while the other foot,
called the pivot foot, is kept at its point of contact with the playing court.
Rule 4, Section 66.
Art. 1. Traveling occurs when a player holding the ball moves a foot or both
feet in any direction in excess of prescribed limits described in this Rule.
Art. 2. A player who catches the ball with both feet on the playing court
may pivot, using either foot. When one foot is lifted, the other is the pivot
Art. 3. A player who catches the ball while moving or dribbling may stop
and establish a pivot foot as follows:
a. When both feet are off the playing court and the player lands:
1. Simultaneously on both feet, either may be the pivot foot;
2. On one foot followed by the other, the first foot to touch shall be
the pivot foot;
3. On one foot, the player may jump off that foot and simultane-
ously land on both; neither foot can be the pivot foot.
b. When one foot is on the playing court:
1. That foot shall be the pivot foot when the other foot touches in a
2. The player may jump off that foot and simultaneously land on
both; neither foot can then be the pivot foot.
Art. 4. After coming to a stop and establishing the pivot foot:
a. The pivot foot may be lifted, but not returned to the playing court,
before the ball is released on a pass or try for goal;
b. The pivot foot shall not be lifted before the ball is released to start a
Art. 5. After coming to a stop when neither foot can be the pivot foot:
a. One or both feet may be lifted, but may not be returned to the play-
ing court, before the ball is released on a pass or try for goal;
b. Neither foot shall be lifted, before the ball is released, to start a drib-
It turns out that the Chest King, not Brad Pitt, is the team's actual clubhouse cancer as they rolled to victory without him. The Strawberitos were down 45-43 at the half but ran off 47 unanswered points largely by forcing their opponents to pick up traveling violations and then heaving full court shots without any preliminary pivoting or dribbling.
The league commissioner, eager to catch a glimpse of his favorite team, expressed awe and fascination. All of the strawberitos (with the exception of Chest King) got some that evening.
John “Chest King”--Most Vigorous Penetration/Mother’s Vocation: Prostitute
Pedro “Tri-Tip”—-Yes We Can! Dive for Loose Balls Award
Drew “Kool-Aid”--Elder Statesman
Curley “Curley”-—Music and Choreography
"Pistol" Pete--“We should have beat those guys!”Post-Hoc Optimism Award
Bob “12-Gauge”—Party Planner
“Original Ben”—Best Dressed
Ben “FNG”-—Hired Gun
Josh “Brad Pitt”—Best Eyes and Clubhouse Cancer
Jeff “Happy Ending”—The Missing Ingredient
Please contribute to the Strawberry Creek Almanac--a listing of Creek ballers past and present along with their noms de guerre and notable characteristics.
Can the pleasure of a few philosophers when they gaze on the seven threads of light separated by the Newtonian prism compare with the ease and comfort every man living might feel seven times a day, by discharging freely the wind from his bowels? Especially if it be converted into a perfume! -- Benjamin Franklin