Friday, July 17, 2009

"Breaking" News: 'Ito Suffers Broken (or at least, really, really sore) ribs during WARMUPS.

That's how badass we are, folks.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Rookito Injured!

In last Thursday's 45 point victory of the Whore Horses, Rookito Tom M. Smithito was badly injured by the flapping lip of the Whore Horses' #10- Douchebag del Floppyhair Whinesalot Jr.. Smithito's right eye was badly bruised when del Floppyhair Whinesalot's lower lip slapped el Rookito in the face as Tom drove past #10 for the dunk.

After the game, Tomito told reporters, "Yeah, it stings, and I'm sure it'll look like high-class drag queen eye make up in the morning." He said he did not think Douchebag hit him on purpose, but rather that Douchebag "just keeps that revolting pie-hole in such a frenzy at all times. I think he has no idea where his lips are at any given moment. It's a hazard."

Whinesalot kept his gigantic, fleshy lips in constant motion throughout the game, complaining of fouls, travels, uniform violations, illegal defense, offsides, high-sticking, and jaywalking on each and every possession.

El Rookito was not the only casualty. Both refs, three Strawberitos, and even a fellow Whore Horse were treated for nausea and ear discomfort after listening to del Floppyhair Whinesalot Jr. for the duration of the game.

Said Comish Dennis Hoang, "We're looking into the legality of having his vocal cords cut like they do to those yappy little dogs."