The Office of the Commissioner has announced that Strawberitos Pete "Pistolerito" Frankletronics and Pedrazo "Tritipito" Pistolson have each been fined $10,000 for their conduct in Los Strawberitos 57-56 win over MOD/16/GLUP/17-B last Thursday.
In a brief interview, the Comish stated, "Mr. Franklemaster's vicious clothesline kung-fu throat punch intentional foul was just unnacceptable. I know that the competition gets fierce, but Franklefest is a role model for thousands of kids out there."
During the play in question, Pistolerito chased down Elbert McGangly of MOD-14/POO and thrust his fist through McGangly's throat. Blood poured forth in a fountain that soaked members of the crowd and press in the front rows. McGangly was taken to a hospital where he continues in stable but serious condition. Pistols was hit with a technical foul but was not ejected.
Through his agent, Frankleweb said in response to the fine, "I was just trying to hold McGangly up so he wouldn't fall. By the throat. With my fist."
Tritipito's fine was issued for arguing with the referee of the game, Chubbly FitzCataracts. Disagreeing with a no-call on what appeared to be a clear foul, Pedrazo yelled to FitzCataracts, "You [expletive] [expletive] fuckface. That was an [expletive] foul." When FitzCataracts did not respond, the enraged Strawberito rammed a finger of each hand into each of the ref's nostrils and pulled him close. "You [expletive] [expletive]! I'll [expletive] your [expletive] with a [expletive] goatfucking [expletive] waxing services mutherfucker!" The Comish stated, "Mr. Pedroson (sic) must learn to express his opinions in an appropriate manner."
Pedro told this reporter, "That's bullshit. I was totally calm. I think I said 'please' six times."
Both players claimed that the $10,000 fines would not be much of a hardship. Franklefeast said, "Guess I'll just have them hold the diamond dust in the cocain for a night."
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